First monthly update

Just got my very first monthly update on the Sprout.

This included two new photos, which I can't post (see this post for an explanation). But, rest assured, she continues to be shockingly beautiful.

In other exciting news, Sproutie has finally cracked the US growth charts on weight. Yay!

At almost 5 months:

• She is 12 pounds, 12 ounces, at the 6th percentile for weight.
• She is 24.75 inches, at the 27th percentile for height.
• She has a head circumference of 16.8 inches, at the 67th percentile for head circumference.

So, in sum, she's skinny, tall, and can do some serious head-butting. :-)

takedown alert

I've just found out that it is against Ethiopian policy/law (not sure which) to post pictures of orphans online. That means until she is officially mine (my case has passed court), it is not appropriate for me to post photos of the Sprout online.

Out of respect for the Ethiopian policy/law, I have removed her image - but don't you worry... the MINUTE she is legally my daughter, I will once again grace you with her beauty!!

In the meantime, just picture in your mind the sweetest, most adorable, most beautiful child you can imagine.

Got it? Yep, that's her.

update - Molasses in January edition

I spoke to the adoption agency yesterday, and found out that my dossier and referral documents are still being translated.

This which means they haven't yet been legalized.

Which means they aren't close to being SUBMITTED to court for a court date yet.

So for those of you holding your breath, you can exhale. It's going to be a while. (Looky, I did that whole thing without using the words wa_t or sl_w.)

The one bright spot in the dim picture is that I should be getting update photos and info on the Sprout late this week or early next.

Timing of Finding Out My Court Date

Just spoke to the program director at my adoption agency.

She said it may be a few weeks before I know my court date - we are going into a period on the Ethiopian calendar a couple of big holidays, so things are slowing down quite a bit. And before I can get a court date, my documents (and the Sprout's documents) have to be "legalized", which takes some time.

I asked how many a "few" weeks is, and she said it could be 4 to 6 weeks (on the long side). Could happen sooner, though.

There - that was an update. And look, ma - no whining!

:-)

23/90

It's been 23 weeks since I send my dossier to Ethiopia.





And it's been 90 weeks since I started the adoption process.





Now I know who Sproutie is (thank God!), I am thrilled beyond belief.

But this knowledge doesn't make the waiting any easier. And, I realized today, it might just make it harder.

And THAT made me realize what my New Year's Resolution (gulp) should be: No more complaining about the wait. Yeah, it's hard. But I am getting the greatest gift I can possibly imagine. And whining about the timing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

So there you go.

Updates, yes. Complaints, no.

her name

Several folks have commented asking about Sproutie's name.

I do not, in fact, intend to name this child "Sprout".:-) But for privacy reasons, I'm not going to post her name up here on the blog - at least for now. After I get through court and I am her legal mother, I may reveal it... not sure.

Anyway, if you want to know her name, I'm happy to tell you (assuming you are not some kind of creepy stalker). Just email me and I will give you the scoop. I'm at: yo por ter at g mail dot com (take out the spaces and convert the "at" and "dot" to symbols).

Sproutie Details and the Call

OK, now that I've slept (well, not much, really - laid there with my mind running circles until the wee hours), I can relay more info about the Sprout.

She is 4 months old, and from southern Ethiopia – a small town called Aleta Wendo (about 40 miles south of Awassa) in the Sidama region. (Here's a map.)

She is 10 lbs, 13 ounces and 23.2 inches tall. (Very small for U.S. growth charts but quite normal on the Ethiopian charts). The International Adoption pediatrician checked out her info and told me last night that she looks like an “excellent baby”. Woo hoo! (I already knew that of course.)

I got the call telling me about her yesterday afternoon, although her information arrived at my adoption agency on Christmas Day (Merry Christmas to ME!). How very amazing that Christmas turned out to be the day.

Yesterday, I was wrapping up the visit with my mother, who had flown down for the baby shower and Christmas. I was getting ready to leave the house to drive her to the airport – we were almost out the door when the phone rang. Mom sat down when I gestured wildly to her that this was THE CALL.

To my mother’s mortification, my response to the adoption agency person when she told me she was about to give me the big news was “are you SHITTING me?!!?!?!?!” (I’m so polished, no?)

I blathered on a lot, and I think I asked a bunch of questions, but I can't remember much of that conversation at all - I was just kind of in shock. Will have to call the agency tomorrow and try again. :-)

So…. what comes next?

I don’t get to go to Ethiopia just yet, I’m afraid. First, the attorney who works with my adoption agency goes to court over there on my behalf to formalize the adoption under Ethiopian law – I’ll let you know my court date, but it will likely be in late January or early February.

Then I wait my turn to get the all-important embassy date, at which I must appear in person with Sproutie at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa. That will likely be in late February or (more likely) early March, but I won't know exactly when until after the court proceedings are finished. This date will determine when I will travel to go get the Sprout!

Please keep Sproutie in your prayers so that she stays healthy and happy, and that the court date is successful so that I can officially become her mother.

A Christmas Miracle

Guess whose referral arrived at the agency office on Christmas Day???

I present to you - the Sprout:


*** PHOTOS TEMPORARILY REMOVED***


(More data soon, but wanted my bloggy family to get to see Sproutie in all her glory right away. Just found out a few hours ago...)

I am completely, utterly, ridiculously smitten.

(did you see the dimples???? I mean, really.)

How To...

I subscribe to a feed from wikiHow, which everyday gives me a link to an article about how to do something.

Most of these are things I don't really want or need to do...

Recent How-To's of the Day include:

How To Fold a Plastic Bag
How To Break A Beer Bottle With Your Bare Hands
and
How To Recycle Your Socks

So you can see why I kind of ignore this feed.

BUT! Today, I see something actually valuable and totally applicable to my life. And totally applicable to the lives of many of the other adopting parents out there:

How To Be Patient!!!

Link through and read all about it.

18/85

The wait continues. International adoption requires much patience. Make that much paperwork and patience. Actually, make that much paperwork, flexibility, and patience.

Feh.



It's been 18 weeks since my dossier has been in Ethiopia.







It's been 85 weeks since I started this adoption process.




I am growing tired of the waiting.

By now, I've told many people of my plans. And they ask me when they see me - "Any news?" "What's happening?" "When is the baby coming?"

I wish I could say something other than - "No news, and I have no idea." I mean, I really like it that they ask, and I am not annoyed at the questions. I'm just annoyed at the answer I have to give.

Last week I actually called the Program Director at Dove to tell her that I'm ready for my referral. Kind of as a joke. But not really.

I am ready.

Really.

13/80

Today marks 13 weeks of waiting. Or 80, depending on how you count it.

My dossier has been in Addis for 13 weeks, and is somewhere in the hands of the people who will pick Sprout. (sigh)

I know I should not complain - some people wait YEARS for their referrals (and I know people adopting from China are waiting an especially long time).

The average wait for a referral (with my agency) is about 22 weeks from the date the dossier gets to Addis Ababa. So there is no way that I'm even close.

But, seeing as I started this whole process over a year and a half ago, my total wait is about 80 weeks. And I am starting to get impatient.

I'm not impatient because it's taking too long (I do trust that it's going to take as long as it should). I'm impatient because I want to know who Sprout is!!!

I want to have a real live little person upon whom to focus all this excitement and preparation and anticipation. It's hard to have so much free-floating energy and emotion, with nowhere for it to land...

it's raining babies!!

OK, not really, but it's raining REFERRALS!!!

Head on over and congratulate Jen and Lionel on their super fantastic news.
Then, click over to see Diane's fabulous announcement.
At least one other family I know of received their referral in the last week, too!

You know what's extra great?? They are ALL with my agency, so it's doubly-exciting (means I'm getting just a schoosh closer to my own referral!!) We don't really go in order, but this just means the total number of people waiting is down by at least 3... and it means the referral pipeline is definitely moving.

Also, stop on by to see Anna and Ben's double-whammy. They aren't with my agency, but still.

Yay!!

new referrals, new look

I was thrilled to find out today (thanks, Paige!) that TWO people who are using the same adoption agency as I am got their referrals this week - and in both cases they waited 5 months.

That is such great news, because I've been secretly (OK, not very secretly) really counting on getting my referral by Christmas. It's the one thing I have told everyone and I tell myself, too, when I start to spin out about how long I might have to wait.

But, I've been seeing some looooong referral waits out there and have started to quietly despair that I might be waiting much longer than I thought. And I'm telling you, if Christmas comes and goes with no referral for me, I will be in a bad place.

But then I got the great news of the two relatively short referral waits, and that has both buoyed my spirits AND made me impatient all over again. :-)

You probably also noticed that I changed the template of this blog - mostly because I think the dark background/light lettering is a lot easier to read. But stay tuned, I might change it again at any time... I'm like that.

sad news for Guatemala's orphans

The President of Guatemala announced that all adoptions to the U.S. will be suspended as of Jan 1, 2008 (the date the Hague Convention takes effect in Guatemala).

The shocking part of the announcement is that there is no provision for grandfathering in adoptions already in process. This was something the US Dept of State warned the public about just last week, but it's still hard to believe.

This news breaks my heart, as thousands of people who are in the process of adoption their child(ren) from Guatemala, who already know the child they have been matched with, and who will be blocked from bringing them home. And the children will wait, who knows how long, before getting a family of their own. Very sad.

See the announcement here on Dawn's excellent Finding Your Child site, and more info at the Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) site.

I can't help but wonder what this means for programs like Ethiopia, which remain open.

Ethiopia is struggling to handle the current volume of adoptions - I have a feeling the floodgates are about to open, and I hope they can scale up to deal with the thousands of new prospective adoptive parents. God knows, with literally millions of orphans in Ethiopia, there is a need for these parents - but there sure isn't an infrastructure in place to process them.

I am selfishly grateful and relieved that my dossier is already logged in at the orphanage in Addis, but I also wish the best for all the parents who are adopting, no matter where they have chosen to find their child.

My heart goes out to people in the process of a Guatemalan adoption, and I hope and pray that they can get their kids home before January 1, 2008.

do you know what this means?

sprout-ette

Long pop-psychology story short: I was winding myself up with weird fear+guilt about asking for too much. Boo!

Have decided to just get over myself and ask for what I really want: a little girl!

Thank you all for your input and thought and advice and general loveliness.

[I hope all the moms of wonderful boys don't feel slighted -- I know without a doubt that boys are fabulous, and I actually would love a son... just want a daughter first. I intend to adopt 2, and the second time 'round, I think I'll be asking for a boy!] :-)

humbled and grateful

Wow - thank you everyone for so much thoughtful, and I have to emphasize - kind, feedback.

I am still processing, and have not made a decision yet, but have read and truly appreciate every comment - who knew there was so much wisdom and experience out there in bloggy land?!?!

(And one point of clarification especially for you Kate - I don't loathe all people who ask for a girl!! Gosh, I am horrified that my post conveyed that! I just have had some reactions/judgments to some of the reasons people tell me for why they want a girl. But, of course, I do know that everyone has their own story and their own reasons for doing what they do, and I don't have to agree with those reasons or even know about them! I was just putting it out there because it's a fear I have - that people will judge me. )

Thank you all again.

Help me, oh wise ones

OK, so I have a major life decision to make in the next two days and so of course I’m seeking input by self reflection, meditation, prayer, consultation with trusted advisors and people who have BTDT.

Oh yeah, and I'm also asking the internets.

Today, I was emailing Michele about the fact that Sprout is – for now – gender neutral. That is, I have decided NOT to request a specific gender, although the program in Ethiopia allows adopting parents to do that. And as I wrote my email about how OK I am with that, I realized that I might be completely full of it.

Here’s the problem:

I keep picturing Sprout as Sprout-ette. A beautiful little girl-child. And I’m kind of freaked out that maybe I should be asking for a girl.

I spoke to my adoption coordinator today to confirm that she got my dossier. I mentioned my cold feet on this issue. She said my dossier won’t get sent to DC until Monday so I have the weekend to think it over, and if I want to, change my request from either gender to girl.

Reasons why I want to ask for a girl:

1. Gut feeling. Can’t explain it – just feel it.

2. I had sisters, no brothers, so kind of have a grasp on how girls work, but with boys, not so much. Also, I’m a girl (duh).

3. Can’t deny it: the clothes, the hair, all the awesome girly stuff. I love love love the idea of getting to do all that stuff with a little girl.

4. I feel more confident in my skills as a mother when I picture a girl. Why, I don’t know. I just really do.

Reasons why I want to stick with EITHER:

1. Perhaps the “gut feeling” (#1 above) is stuff I’m making up to mask fear. I’m good at rationalizing in a sneaky way like that. The fact is, I’m kind of scared about raising a boy – and especially a Black boy. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s HARD out there for a Brother. And it’s gonna be harder to be a Brother raised by a single white mom. (I think.) But I don't want to make this decision based on fear.

2. Maybe the kid who is meant for me is a boy! And I will be completely fucking up the program if I ask for a girl. Both of my sister’s kids are boys, and although I don’t really always understand them, I absolutely adore them.

3. I am loathe to be lumped in with the people who are asking for a girl for (what I believe to be) the wrong reasons. (Kind of how I’m loathe to be lumped in with the Holy Rollers who are adopting to “save” a child.) I am really uncomfortable with people who want a girl because: (1) they want a cute little princess doll; (2) girls are “easier”; (3) boys will carry on the family name, and an adopted child isn’t REALLY the one who should carry on your name, so better to get a girl; (4) whatever else strikes me as a bullshit reason. (Damn, I’m a judgmental little thing, aren’t I?) So, basically, don’t want to be guilty by association.

4. I just don’t like the idea, in general, of being able to select a gender. It stinks of rich white privilege or something. And it makes me feel GUILTY to even consider asking for a girl. Even though I kind of want to do it - if no one ever had to know whether I asked for a girl or left the gender open, I think I would ask for a girl. But I would feel like a giant loser to “chicken out” now and ask for a girl.

So, here’s your shot – not that I will follow anyone’s advice, or even pay a speck of attention, but I’m kind of lost here, people.

Tell me what to do.

Done.

I can hardly believe I'm typing this:

My dossier, she is done.

I have put that giant pile of documents in a big-ass FedEx box (too big for an envelope!), and have sent it off to my agency.

Holy crap, this is big, and it hasn't really sunk in yet...

Next step - it gets sent out for translation into Amharic (takes a few weeks, I think) then dispatched to Ethiopia.

It's starting to feel real, people!!!

Once it is delivered to Ethiopia, I will officially join the ranks of the Waiting!!

a load off

[Sorry, y'all, for the lack of posts... had a houseguest and then got sick as a dog, and am just now getting vertical.]

The good news is that I finally told my boss I am adopting. It's been hard to know the right time to tell him - wanted to wait until I was well-established (I'm pretty new) and also wanted to give him a lot of advance notice.

We were in a big meeting, then everyone else got up to go and we stayed back for a little strategy meeting. He shared some stuff with me that he didn't have to (about the future of the department, and where I fit in, etc.) which was really nice, and I took the opportunity to tell him my plans.

He reacted probably the best possible way - lots of excitement and happiness. And stories about his kids. And complete support.

We never even got around to talking about the fact that I'm adopting internationally, which I kind of love. It's nice that the focus was just that I'm going to be a mom, and not that I'm adopting from Ethiopia. I don't want to hide that - in fact I'm really looking forward to talking with him about it, but sometimes the conversation about becoming a parent gets eclipsed by the WAY I'm becoming a parent. And I'm glad it wasn't the case here.

We are still planning to keep it on the low-down (not telling the big cheese until absolutely necessary, as we are unsure about his opinion of single moms and don't want it to affect my career path in any way). But it's a big relief to have told my boss, because I relaly like and respect him and I was feeling uncomfortable keeping it from him, even though it's not likely to happen until the end of this year or even early next year...