humbled and grateful
Wow - thank you everyone for so much thoughtful, and I have to emphasize - kind, feedback.
I am still processing, and have not made a decision yet, but have read and truly appreciate every comment - who knew there was so much wisdom and experience out there in bloggy land?!?!
(And one point of clarification especially for you Kate - I don't loathe all people who ask for a girl!! Gosh, I am horrified that my post conveyed that! I just have had some reactions/judgments to some of the reasons people tell me for why they want a girl. But, of course, I do know that everyone has their own story and their own reasons for doing what they do, and I don't have to agree with those reasons or even know about them! I was just putting it out there because it's a fear I have - that people will judge me. )
Thank you all again.
6 comments:
You shouldn't worry about what people will think of you. And to be honest, no one even has to know that you put down a preference. They will just know that this was the child you were referred and you are happy as pie with her/him. If you really want the girl, put it down. If you really in your heart dont care either way, then dont put the preference. But you have to be true to what you are feeling inside. Otherwise, it won't be good.
We put that we would prefer one of each 3 or under, but would be open to any scenario (2 boys, 2 girls, 1 of each, sibling, non related, etc). But I am so glad that my dh kept reminding me that I had wanted a girl too and we held out a little. Because I cant imagine my life without O. She is a doll. I love my son to bits too. Don't get me wrong, but I think down the road if we had ended up taking 2 boys, we would have gone back for one more child to complete our family.
FTR, I didn't get the impression you loathed people asking for girls.
I'm glad we 'internets' were able to give you our 2 cents (and sometimes 2 dollars). It was obviously a topic we have all thought about before & some of us have struggled with ourselves.
You're welcome. Hey, it's your blog gal and I don't think you put the idea of loathing out there at all.
Anyhoo, just call me future mama-to-be of a little girl...or a little boy dressed in drag ;0) (To my agency: I am KIDDING!)
Hello,
I just came along your blog. Lovely. My 4yr daughter is the love of my life. Adopted from China at 10months old, I as a single mom, requested a girl. A DREAM of mine. A boy never entered my mind. At the time of my dossier being complete, my Cdn agency did not have a gender specific request policy. 5 years later, they do. They cannot and will no longer support gender specification even if the adopting country will.They have just decided to take a stand and ensure that all children have a chance for forever families. I respect this stance. They work with several adopting countries but the primary country was China-known for their availabilty of girls. This policy really forces a family (single or not) to evaluate their desire for a CHILD. While I requested a girl for many of the reasons mentioned (and feel SOO blessed I was able to request and receive my daughter) IF I adopted again (Ethiopia), I would not gender specify. It is a tough decision, but you must follow your heart.BTW-the drama with a girl---all true, but then so is are the "accessories" wonderful. Good Luck.
I requested a girl and I didn't take offense at all to what you wrote. I totally get it. I had mixed feelings too about it.
Oh, good. I'm glad to not be loathed. ;>
(I didn't feel hurt or slighted. I do like the word "loathe" and probably misused it to convey...your frustration with/distaste for families who choose to specify gender for...superfical or poorly-thought-out reasons. Better?)
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