Go Aretha

Now THIS test seemed to come up with the right answer!

My Signature Karaoke Song:
"Respect" by Aretha Franklin

Ooh, what you got sure is sweeter than honey — but you've also got a little bite too. Like your signature karaoke song, you're not afraid to spell out exactly what you're after. Gutsy and adventurous, you don't take lip from anyone. You know what you want and you go after it. Period.


A risk-taker with a sizable dose of common sense and street smarts, you're motivated and don't shy away from a little challenge. How else will you achieve your big dreams if you don't take some chances along the way? From the boardroom to the karaoke room, you're sure to command everyone's attention. So go ahead and sing it — you've more than earned a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Take this test >

My Barney Brain

Props to Tami who first posted about her (Green) brain...

I'm not sure that I agree with this description of my brain, but who am I to argue with the all-knowing Internets?

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Ethiopian vs. African American

Before I started this adoption process, I never would have thought about the distinction between identifying oneself as African American as opposed to an American from Africa.

Turns out this is kind of big deal.

I recently read a really good article in Adoptive Families magazine on this very topic: My Ethiopian Daughters.

I've always felt awkward with the term African American, partially because it seems inaccurate... there are plenty of black folks in the US who have roots elsewhere (like the Caribbean, for example). And most of my friends of color refer to themselves as "Black", not necessarily as "African American".

Sproutie is Ethiopian, not African American.

Hers is a heritage of an ancient proud kingdom, ferociously independent, and (I hope I do not offend) somewhat elitist despite its struggles with resources, health, and natural disasters. She doesn't have much in common with most of the Black population in the US whose heritage is more likely to be Western African or Caribbean or mixed, and filled with a whole different slate of struggles.

So how to teach her about this? Not sure.

I do know that she will be perceived as (and treated as) African American by people who don't know her. People who are racist will dislike her because she is Black, and they won't care that she is Ethiopian. Other Black Americans are not going to treat her better just because she is Ethiopian. So it's important she understand what it means to be Black in America, not just Ethiopian in America.

I also know that I don't want her to be uppity about her heritage. Some Ethiopians consider themselves superior to other Africans, and I want to avoid instilling this in her.

But I also want her to be proud of being Ethiopian (and of being Sidama, her ethnic group), to embrace it, and not to be afraid to claim it.

This is going to be tough thing to negotiate, I think.

**updated to link to Cat's thought-provoking post on the same topic over at [A]typical Family.**

test your own racism

I would suggest that everyone who is adopting a child of another race - especially white folks adopting from Africa or adopting African-American children.

This test is really powerful - it tests your unconscious or innate preferences regarding either gender or race. (According to the results I got, I have a pretty good understanding of myself and my own implicit associations.)

You can find the Implicit Association Test here.

something is better than nothing

and i am feeling under the weather... no energy to come up with a good post. So this is what you get, which is admittedly quite lame and only here to keep me from failing at NaBloPoMo.

Whatev.

out of touch a bit

I'm at a week-long offsite leadership training in Toronto, which is interesting in a couple of ways (more on that later). Very little time to ourselves, and very little internet access.

So, sorry to be slow in responding and also in reading all your blogs! I will catch up as soon as I can next week.

xoxoxo

I am not good with stress

OK, so the surprise CT scan is done, and it is a relief to know it’s on its way to my doctor.

I'm slightly embarrassed to report, however, that I pretty much had a meltdown in the hospital this morning.

Got there at the appointment time to find that yes, I was on their books as a result of my doctor’s call but no, there was no order from the doctor to have the CT scan done. No written order, no scan. I tried arguing that my doctor obviously wanted me to have the scan because she called over to set up the appointment. Which they acknowledged. But they said that the doctor must also fax over a written order. Which they didn’t have. Or couldn’t find.

So, they paged my doctor, who was unavailable, but talked to Dr. W., who is the official doctor on call for that group this weekend. Dr. W., in an act which truly defines crappy customer service reported that since I was Dr. K’s patient, and not her own patient, she would not fax over the order. Nor would she look at my file so she could independently determine that I needed the scan and order it. When I heard that I was apoplectic.

What the hell is the point of having a GROUP doctor on call if she will only service her own patients??!!?!? What the hell does ON CALL mean if you just say "no thanks, I pass" when you are called??

When the person at the hospital told me that they would not do the scan, I lost it.

I explained, through sobby tears, that I was leaving *tomorrow* for a business trip and had to get the test done today, Saturday. The whole reason I had driven all the way to their hospital is that the hospital in the county where I live could not do this on a Saturday.

I wasn't angry or yelling, just kind of pathetically begging -- I'd been fasting since I woke up (no food, no water), waiting for hours while you all try to find the orders, and now you are telling me I have to just go home, even though YOU KNOW my doctor ordered the test??

It was really crazy. I knew if I didn't get the scan, I knew I'd spend the whole trip obsessing about whether I was going to die from lung cancer. I stepped outside to try to pull myself together and when I came back I suggested that they call my other doctor – who wasn’t the one who ordered the test, but who knew the situation. So they paged and called Dr. N.

Dr. N. wasn't responding to the page and I was determined to sit there until they had mercy on me. Finally, the gal behind the desk suggested that I go down to the emergency room, have a doctor see me there, and (hopefully) write up an order for a CT scan.

I was so over trying to explain how ludicrous that was - a total waste of the ER staff’s time, my money, my insurance company’s money, my time, etc. So I just trudged down there, and had to talk to 4 people to make someone understand that no, I didn’t have an emergency, nor did I need treatment – I just needed an order.

I was still sitting in the Triage Nurse’s office when a call came from the Radiology department – FINALLY, something good happened! Dr. N. (bless her heart!) had answered the page and agreed to write the order. How nice was that??? Amazingly nice, I tell you. Restored my faith in doctors, which had seriously eroded in the previous hours.

At that point I burst into tears AGAIN. And I’m telling you, I don’t really cry. I cry like, maybe 2 times a MONTH. But today was all about the waterworks. I think this time, I was just relieved that I could finally be allowed to do the damn scan.

Of course, it is Saturday, and Dr. N. was home with her family, with no fax machine. She tried a couple of times to email a scanned order, but it didn’t work, so she actually went to Kinko’s and faxed it in. This all took about another hour.

So finally, they let me in to take the test. The tech was super nice, but had to stab me FOUR times in different places to get a vein for the IV, which was a bit of a drag. At this point, I was just trying to stay calm while he just kept jabbing around for a vein. I must have looked a little whacked, through, because he kept looking at me with a worried expression and asking "you alright?" every 2 minutes. He had to wrap my arm in a hot blanket to get a vein to show up.

Finally he got it, shot me up with the toxic sludge and ran me through the CT scanner. That part took all of 8 minutes. I kid you not.

Now I’m home, listening to the painters banging around in my house while I sit outside on the back porch thanking God that my little jaunt to the hospital is over.

I’ll keep y’all posted on the results, but it’s gonna be a few days. :-(

i don't like drama

OK, so now in addition to all the domestic yuck work and pre-trip preparations and the painters tomorrow, I now get to layer on a visit to the hospital.

This afternoon, my doc called to tell me that she saw something odd in my chest x-rays (the word "nodules" was used) and my mind immediately blanked out except for the phrase "LUNG CANCER" which totally obscured my ability to focus on what she was saying.

I did catch a few things - she said she didn't think it was cause for alarm *yet* but that she'd like to have me do a CT scan. She confirmed with me again that I do not smoke. I said that was correct - I do not. And my brain screamed OH MY GOD I HAVE LUNG CANCER. Which was not helpful to me.

Then she asked if I have had any symptoms (coughing, night sweats, etc.). I replied that I do not. And my brain did not give up - once again, screaming LUNG CANCER!! at me.

It is most likely scar tissue, she said - a reference to the fact that 14 years ago I had a near-death experience with several hundred very unpleasant pulminary emboli. But she wants to make sure. And my fearful little brain was just buzzing and spinning out on all the horrible possible ends to this story.

Now, several hours later, I am a lot calmer. I told my sister about it, which helped, and told another doctor about it, who told me I have zero percent chance of lung cancer, which - even though not technically accurate - also helped. My brain is no longer screaming the C word at me.

Oddly, I've managed to have several conversations with good friends this afternoon without even mentioning it. Which, when combined with eating a bunch of crappy food, is apparently how I'm dealing with it - by pretending it's not happening.

Except for the part where I blog about it. Because somehow this doesn't freak me out and in fact makes it seem a bit better.

So, anyway, tomorrow morning, after I greet the painters and get them set up, I'm off to report to the radiology department for a CT scan. And try not to wig out until I hear the results, which probably won't be for several days.

Please think good thoughts, or pray if you do that, for me to have some peace until I know what is going on.

And now I'm taking my monkey brain and going to bed.

INTJ Mothering

Thanks to Maia Papaya, I found MotherStyles, where you can input your Meyers-Briggs personality profile, and find out your "Mothering Style"...

Here's me:

INTJ — The “Individual Integrity” Mother
“My kids are better off arguing their own point of view than telling me, ‘But everyone else is doing it.’”

* Individualistic and independent, the INTJ mother is both a role model and teacher of how to be an individual and live life with integrity. She is introspective, defining her own success from within, and generally confident in her decisions. She is unlikely to be persuaded by her children saying, “But all the other mothers are doing it.”

* The INTJ is competent in providing for her children’s basic needs, but she is likely more focused on developing their self-esteem and confidence. Observant and insightful, she puts great importance on independent thinking and self-sufficiency, yet she is comfortable providing protection and boundaries.

* Self-motivated and intense, the INTJ works hard and takes life seriously. As a mother, she lives for those moments when she can impart knowledge and offer her children perspectives on life and important issues.

[yeah, it sounds pretty spot-on, actually.]

If you know your Meyers-Briggs profile, you can read about how it translates to a Mothering Style here.

If you don't know your profile, they have a rudimentary mini-quiz which allows you to get a pretty good idea of what it is...

Kinda fun.

Plan A

Today's topic is brought to you by this very thoughtful and honest post by the fabulous Paige.

I often get asked why I'm adopting, or find myself in a conversation about adoption in the context of someone's unsuccessful battle with infertility. And in that context, adoption is definitely Plan B. Or C. Sometimes D.

If asked by someone in that camp, I usually make a joke about Mr. Wonderful not having shown up yet, and most people leave it at that. The assumption is (I think) that I have an issue about using donor sperm and / or am infertile. And certainly that I would be having biological children if I was married. Those assumptions are wrong.

For me, adoption is just Plan A - my first choice. But that seems to be a rather rare thing, and I feel like a bit of a freak around people for whom it is the option of last resort after trying so so hard to have biological children.

I am not infertile, and have no problem with the idea of using donor sperm. I had very serious pulmonary emboli (almost died) when I was 28 as a result of being on the pill - which means that being pregnant would be pretty dangerous for me.

Even if I wasn't single, I wouldn't want to go through a high-risk pregnancy just so my kid can share my (admittedly fabulous!) DNA. I've just never felt it was critical that my kid look like me, and there are millions of kids who need homes, and it just seems like the right thing to adopt.

Try saying all that to people who have spent umpteen thousands of dollars, years of their lives, and a huge amount of heartache on the infertility treatment cycle of hell, only to finally accept what feels like defeat and try to come to terms with the loss of their dream, and move on with adopting.

There is just no way to do it without sounding like a sanctimonious ass.

namaste

OK, I took the Book Quiz (thanks Michele). Am slightly befuddled by the analysis, because I do feel very clear in what I believe, but here goes:

I am (apparently) Siddhartha!

(Which is particularly interesting because lately I've been getting really into Ayurvedic stuff, and was going to post about a treatment I got recently that was really incredible and calming and had a lasting effect which is amazing... so maybe I had that on the brain? hmmmm.)

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in. This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in ferries.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

sprout-ette

Long pop-psychology story short: I was winding myself up with weird fear+guilt about asking for too much. Boo!

Have decided to just get over myself and ask for what I really want: a little girl!

Thank you all for your input and thought and advice and general loveliness.

[I hope all the moms of wonderful boys don't feel slighted -- I know without a doubt that boys are fabulous, and I actually would love a son... just want a daughter first. I intend to adopt 2, and the second time 'round, I think I'll be asking for a boy!] :-)

personal DNA

OK, apparently I'm in a take-a-quiz-on-the-web kind of mood lately.

But, I gotta say, this one is extra cool.

My "personal DNA," according to this test, is one of the "Considerate Director"... (see I told y'all I should be in charge!!)

My favorite descriptor is "slightly low attention to style". WHAT??!?!? OK, so it's true. WhatEV.

You can mouse over the colors to learn all about my crazy little personality. :-)

Considerate Director

What's your personal DNA?

literary roll call, anyone?

How fun this is!! (Thanks to Haze for getting the ball rolling.)

Wanna play?

• Bold the ones you’ve read. (Seeing the movie doesn't count.) (It's hard to see bold in this font, so I've made my read ones bold and yellow...)
  
• Italicize the ones you want to read.
• Leave plain the ones that you aren’t interested in.
  
• Leave notes if you have comments on any of them....

Let me know if you post your own list!!

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown) (not nearly as good as Da Vinci Code, IMHO)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King) (started it, but it scared the crap out of me and I had to stop)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25 . Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) (LOVED as a teenager.)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis) (Read and LOVED the whole series)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini) (it’s on the nightstand in the TBR pile (To Be Read))
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible (parts, anyway, but not nearly the whole)
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy) (got the new, and supposedly MUCH better translation, but haven’t cracked it yet…)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas) (loved reading The Three Musketeers, so this would probably be good, too!)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’s Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne Du Maurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen) (how could I have NOT read this yet?)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams) (ditto)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago) (A stunning book)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje) (have italicized this solely on the strength of the interesting title and name of the author – embarrassed to say that I’ve never heard of this book…)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce) (I’ve tried twice, and clearly I’m just not smart enough)

Miss Elliot

I blame Paige, who started this. And of course, I couldn't help myself... sadly, I'm not Elizabeth Bennet. Oh well, a girl's just got to accept her true self, I guess.

Take the Quiz here!

Wayne Fontana & the Mindbenders - Game Of Love

This super-groovy tune was #1 on the charts on the day I was born.

What song was top of the charts on your birthday?

Check here to find out...

"clementine prima"?

Here's a fun diversion - plug in your name and gender and find out what your Celebrity Baby name should be. Not so sure I love mine, as I happy to be very attached to a DOG with the name Clementine!!

Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...

Clementine Prima

What's Your Celebrity Baby Name?

If your daughter doesn't look like you, are you still her mother?

I hate Fox News with the white-hot heat of a thousand suns, but this is a pretty good article... nothing earthshaking, but yet another reminder of how having a kid who is obviously not your biological child forces you into the spotlight.

I hear over and over again about the many ridiculous comments and questions that people will blather out upon the sight of little Black Sprout and 6'2" blonde me.

And I really want to be prepared so I can respond in a way that will affirm my child, because he or she WILL be listening.

I need to be ready to set an example for my child that it's OK to protect one's own privacy, and that a family created by adoption is just as valid as a family created by biology.

I don't want to be defensive about it though... just want to be clear, and be able to take it in stride.

wiki birthday to me

Saw this a little while ago (thanks, Carrie), and thought I'd give it a spin (in honor of my very own birthday on the 21st (yay!).

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day only):

• April 21 is the 111th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar (112th in leap years). There are 254 days remaining.

2. List some of the events that occurred on that day of interest to you:

• 753 BC - Romulus and Remus found Rome (traditional).
• 1509 - Henry VIII ascends the throne of England (unofficially) at the death of his father, Henry VII
• 1898 - Spanish-American War: The U.S. Congress, on April 25, recognizes that a state of war exists between the United States and Spain as of this date.
• 1918 - World War I: German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, known as "The Red Baron", is shot down and killed over Vaux sur Somme in France.
• 1966 - Rastafari movement: Haile Selassie of Ethiopia visits Jamaica, an event now celebrated as Grounation Day.
• 1994 - The first discoveries of extrasolar planets are announced by astronomer Alexander Wolszczan.

3. List a Few Birthdays:

• 1729 - Empress Catherine II of Russia (d. 1796)
• 1816 - Charlotte Brontë, English author (d. 1855)
• 1838 - John Muir, American environmentalist (d. 1914)
• 1926 - Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom
• 1947 - Iggy Pop, American musician (The Stooges)
• * 1959 - Robert Smith, British musician (The Cure)
• * 1959 - Jerry Only, American musician (The Misfits)
• * 1959 - Michael Timmins, Canadian musician (Cowboy Junkies)
  

4. List a death:

• 1910 - Mark Twain, American author and humorist (b. 1835)

5. List a holiday or observance (if any):

• Rome - city birthday.

6. Any thoughts on the above?:

• I *love* how many interesting people are born on my birthday. (*And, wow, 1959 was a big year for music - check those three out in the list above!)
• And, what the hell is an "extrasolar" planet? If their existence was discovered back in 1994, you'd think I would have heard about this.... but, no.
• They say Rome wasn't built in a day, but apparently it has a birthday. And it's the same as mine. I must make a point of actually being in Rome for my birthday some time - that would be fun!

I am a book geek

I embrace my book geekdom.

I *lurve* books. I acquire them with the enthusiam most girls reserve for Minalo Blahniks.

(Also, I hoard them, but I'm trying to get over that... )

Suffice to say, one of my top-10, grab-if-the-house-is-on-fire posessions is my (shorter) Oxford English Dictionary.

I am fortunate to be surround by folks who either (1) are similarly book-geeky, and the more the merrier! or (2) take lots of deep breaths and bear my outbursts of book-geek with stoicism and aplomb.

My fabulous sister (also a black-belt book geek) offered me my choice of several very fun things to do in celebration of my upcoming birthday.

(I'm turning 37 again. No comments, please.)

The one that really appeals is a workshop at the San Francisco Center for the Book (the very idea of such an institution makes me light-headed and giddy).

So, we're going to an all-day book binding/printing class the day after my birthday called "Nature Print Books with Hidden Openings".

Do I really know what a "nature print book" is? No.
Do I have any idea how (or why) one would put a hidden opening in to a nature print book? No.
Am I totally clueless about hand-binding and/or printing? Yes.

Do I really care? No. It's a book, isnt' it?

YAY!! I can't wait!