riding the fence
Slowly, slowly, I am getting closer to the day when I will need to decide on a country from which to adopt.
I'm generally a decisive person. Not so in this case.
Every program I'm considering has positives and negatives, and I cannot, for the life of me, make a decision. I won't torture you with all of them, but here are -- for lack of a better word -- the finalists:
Russia / Rep. of Georgia
Plues: Sprout would look like me, int'l adoption is well established (in Russia), and I would like to travel there and can imagine incorporating Russian or Georgian culture into my life long-term.
Minuses: not possible to bring home a kid under about 14 months old, and cases of FAS/FAE are scary and hard to screen out. Two trips (Russia), which means the heartbreak of meeting Sprout then leaving him/her behind for several months before returning. The kids suffer from delays related to the institutionalized care. It's crazy expensive. And, Russian government is being extra squirrely with process at this time and lots of red tape involved.
Ethiopia
Pluses: int'l adoption well established, and relatively easy. Possible to bring home a very young infant. General heath of the kids is good. I *love* Africa, and would love to go to Ethiopia. I would also be happy to incorporate Ethiopian culture into my life long-term.
Minuses: Sprout would be obviously adopted, and it's going to bug the crap out of me if/when people say stupid things in front of Sprout. Kids suffer from some delays due to institutionalized care. Sprout will be a distinct minority in the area where I live. (Could be pretty tough. I know it would be infuriating to see racism (or just ignorance) affect my child.) I don't know how to do black hair. (how silly that last one sounds!)
What to do? What to do? What do to?
Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated!!
3 comments:
It is difficult to choose a country when adopting internationally. We originally chose Rep. of Georgia, but then they closed their program. That's when we went with Russia. The FAS was scary, as was the prospect of 2 trips. But in the end, everything worked out OK. If you do decide to go to Russia, I recommend going with an agency that is already accredited, and choosing a region that has a short wait between trips. We lucked out with Murmansk - our wait was only 4 weeks, and we had to rush to get everything done before we went to pick the kids up!
However, if we adopted again, I think I would choose an African country, just because it is a continent I've always wanted to visit. I was not too happy initially about the idea of having a child that looked totally different from me, which is why we chose to adopt from Eastern Europe. And then, who do I wind up adopting? A dark haired, dark eyed, olive skinned girl (I'm blond with blue eyes)! Things don't always work out the way you think they will! But I wouldn't trade my daughter for all the blond haired/blue eyed girls in the world!
I don't think it's silly to wonder about doing black hair, I've learned that even black parents have problems doing black hair. Good luck with your journey - we're at somewhat similar points it seems - still choosing - but I've decided to adopt domestically after choosing several international programs only to find they didn't fit like I thought they would.
None of your minuses are silly. It's a tough decision. We started off wanting to go to Russia because my husband strongly wanted(s) a child that could resemble us and Ukraine was closed when we started.
Now it's a part of our lives. I love Russia. I can't wait to stand in the Red Square.
Whichever country you chose; do it because you want to. Go with what feels right to you at the time.
About picking an accredited agency if you go to Russia; that may be a little hard at the moment as there are not many to pick from at the moment, so just make sure they have NGO. By the time you are paper ready they should be accredited.
Post a Comment