the plan

My mother - bless her heart - can be pretty nutty sometimes. She has a near-obsessive level of concern about "The Plan". Today there was MUCH discussion about The Plan for Christmas.

Kate (my sister) and I were going to go to Oregon to spend Christmas with mom, just like last year. But then, when we were visiting our nephews this weekend, our brother-in-law and his lovely wife encouraged us to consider spending Christmas there. I haven't had Christmas with my nephews since their Mom (my sister Margaret) died... 5 Christmases ago. It sounded like a great idea.

So, I left a message on Mom's machine asking if she would consider changing The Plan. Whoops. She does not do well with this, as a rule. The Plan, after all, is something you follow - and not something you change. At least in her world. So my message threw her for a loop.

It wasn't until several emails/phone calls later that she started to think about the substance of the new plan, and realized she liked it. But she almost successfully shot it down in reactionary DON'T CHANGE THE PLAN mode.

This is interesting to me, as I note I have an aversion to telling her my plans. I give her purposefully vague answers when she asks (frequently) "is that your routine?" "Is this how you do it every time?" "is that your plan for {insert any event here}?"

I know it gives her great comfort to have every little thing nailed down - makes her feel like the world is predictable, and safe.

But it makes me nuts. It feels rigid and stressful.

And -- of course -- it makes me nuts because I have a bit of that in me too. I like some predictability. I like the illusion of being in control.

This adoption process will probably present LOTS of opportunities for me to work on letting go of my attachment to The Plan. :-)