tax dollars at work
I’ve just – finally – figured out how much extra postage I have to use for SQUARE envelopes (which I end up with all the time). It's $0.13 more to mail a square envelope.
Anyway, I wanted to know how much it will cost – under the new U.S. postal rates which take effect on Monday – to mail a square envelope. Searched usps.gov, found no answer.
So, I decided to call the USPS customer service line.
Here is the conversation I had, I shit you not:
U.S. Postal Service Customer Service Representative: Hullo.
Me: Hi, I'm wondering if you could tell me what the price for mailing square envelopes will be – is it changing on Monday?
USPSCSR: I’m not sure. Hold on moment, and I’ll check.
Me: thanks.
USPSCSR: Still checking.
Me: OK.
USPSCSR: Sorry, my computer is slow.
Me: No problem.
USPSCSR: Still checking.
Me: OK.
USPSCSR: Ma’am?
Me: Yes?
USPSCSR: Yes, it will.
Me: [confused silence]
Me: Sorry?
USPSCSR: Ma'am, yes, the rate for square envelopes will be changing on Monday. Thanks for calling the U.S. Postal Service, and have a nice…
Me: Wait! Hello?
Me: Hello?
USPSCSR: Ma’am?
Me: Um, thanks for that, but I'm actually hoping you can tell me what the new rate will be?
USPSCSR: Oh. Hmm.
Me: [waiting]
USPSCSR: I don’t know that.
Me: Uh, could you check? I have a couple of cards I want to mail on Monday.
USPSCSR: My computer is really slow today.
Me: Yeah. Sorry about that.
[silence]
Me: Do you mind looking anyway?
USPSCSR: Hold on a moment.
Me: Thanks.
USPSCSR: Still checking.
Me: OK
USPSCSR: Still checking.
Me: OK
[several eons pass]
USPSCSR: Ma’am?
Me: Hello? Yes, still here.
USPSCSR: The cost to mail your letter will depend on the size and the weight, ma’am.
Me: Uh-huh. Right.
[wait for specifics which must be following shortly]
[wait]
Me: Hello?
USPSCSR: Size and weight, ma’am.
Me: Got it.
Me: Ok, let’s just assume it’s less than one ounce, kind of standard greeting-size square envelope – you know, the plain-vanilla kind of thing. Nothing huge. Nothing heavy. How much for that?
USPSCSR: Well I can't really say if you can’t give me the exact size and weight.
Me: Right.
Me: [breathe deeply]
Me: OK. So, let's try this -- you know how there is a standard surcharge on square envelopes now? A regular letter is 39 cents, and then it’s 13 more cents for a square one?
USPSCSR: Uh-huh.
Me: OK – so the current standard square-envelope surcharge is 13 cents?
USPSCSR: Yes.
Me: Great! So, what I'm looking for is the NEW standard-square envelope surcharge. If there is one. Or, will it still be 13 cents?
USPSCSR: Hm.
Me: [waiting]
USPSCSR: I don’t know that.
Me: Can you ask someone else there? Someone else in the call center?
[silence]
Me: Maybe your supervisor knows?
USPSCSR: Well, no, that's not possible.
Me: [confused silence]
USPSCSR: It’s not in my computer.
Me: [confused silence]
USPSCSR: So, if it’s not in my computer, it won’t be in anyone else’s computer either.
Me: [stunned silence, as I absorb the fact that this woman's computer holds ALL THE DATA IN THE WORLD]
Me: [mind reeling]
USPSCSR: Ma’am?
Me: [slowly, trying to focus on the issue at hand] So, are you telling me that there is no one there, at the actual U.S. Postal Service, who knows how much it will cost to mail a square envelope come Monday?
USPSCSR: I guess so.
Me: Seriously?
USPSCSR: Yes, ma’am.
Me: Uh...
USPSCSR: Thanks for calling the U.S. Postal Service, and have a nice day.
12 comments:
LMAO!!! I swear I can imagine having that exact conversation! Too funny!
I'm lazy...I just stick 2 stamps on the square envelopes.
Sad, but so true. I think the USPS takes the leftovers from the "how dumb can you actually be before we hire you test."
Classic. Ranks right up there with the conversations I have with pay phone operators. The ones that ask me if I'm SURE I didn't get my change back because she's pretty sure she heard it clink.
Yikes.
LOVE THIS : )
LMAO! That's funny stuff... too bad it's a true story.
Hilarious! I'm trying not to laugh too loudly at work!
That is flippin hilarious! It cracks me up how no one can think beyond what's on the checklist, on their computer screen, etc. Oh, but "have a nice day!" Thanks for sharing.
In situations like that, I just give up and start pressing random buttons on my phone while the helper is talking. Just to pass the time.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I have had some similar expeirences and on the days when I am homesick I remember how great the postal system is here (even get mail on a Saturday!!) and I smile.
Poor you!!!
Gotta love that 'have a nice day ma'am...' I'd be tempted to say 'well it'd be a better day if I knew how much it will BL**D* cost to send my envelope'.
I always do what michelle says, put on an extra one!
Thanks for the chuckle!
holy crap you wrote that all out brilliantly! And you couldn't make that stuff up either - that is priceless!!!! LOVE IT! lol... not that you have to go through it, but that you shared it with us!
unbelievable
Hey today is the BEEG day. We'll expect posting about the experience, you know. Ooh, that sounds racier than itreally is!
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